Authentic August – Day 8
Another stream of consciousness post for tonight! No time for anything else as I’ve snuck away from the party downstairs. It was Lolo’s birthday this pastThursday and some family is over for the weekend to celebrate. Lolo turned 82! It’s an extra special birthday because he’s recently healed from cancer and he is still going strong, despite his constant asserting that he’s losing his mind lol. Actually, it isn’t that funny, but I’m just making light of the situation.
Family time feels more precious in the midst of quarantine. Earlier as Uncle Moses was praying for our lunch, my mind wandered to the word “love.” Despite my dissatisfaction with the lack of deep intimacy within my family, I cannot deny the love that binds us together. We may not talk about our feelings or overtly express our love for one another, but when I’m able to see clearly, the subtleties of our love are revealed.
It’s revealed in the meals cooked. The money given. The jokes made. The shots shared. The games played. The “Take Care’s.” The “Drive Safe’s.” The duets sang. The dances danced. The stories told. The laughs laughed. The movies watched. The pictures taken. And the prayers prayed. It’s revealed in all of the sacrifices they’ve made for the next generation – for me – to have a better life than they did.
But here’s the thing, I’m not always able to see this clearly. Sometimes I’m just focused on that lack of intimacy I mentioned. I just searched my email for the results of my 5 Love Languages quiz, and my top two are “Quality Time” and “Physical Touch.” Those don’t rank highly in the Quiwa family lol. We spend time together, but there’s usually a screen nearby in case things get too real haha. As for physical touch… the closest thing I get to a hug is usually a side hug! I think the Quiwa’s top love language is “Acts of Service,” because we do that very well, and I just need to keep that in mind. I just need to be grateful.
And I am grateful! I am blessed. My family is healthy and happy and we get along. But that won’t stop me from trying to bring more intimacy into the mix! If I know what my love languages are, then how can I gently incorporate them into our dynamic? How can I accept my family for who they are, while striving for the stronger bond that I’m longing for?
I think the first step for me is to recognize that it’s perfectly okay that I desire more intimacy. I should give myself permission to feel the way I feel. I should honor my needs. And I feel like I need a hug sometimes! Ha!
I think the second step is to not judge my family for their level of intimacy. Everyone is just doing the best with what they know. And being vulnerable is just a foreign concept to them. And that’s perfectly okay too!
This will be a lifelong process of meeting in the middle. Of understanding one another. And I’m thankful I even have the opportunity to try.
With LOVE,
Q.