Authentic August – Day 5
Generally speaking, I’m a positive person. An optimist. I always seem to find the silver lining. My glass is usually half full. But left unchecked, my proclivity for positive thinking can go a bit overboard. Rather than uncomfortably sitting with a negative emotion, even if that emotion is entirely called for, I’d rather put on my handy-dandy, rose-colored glasses and pretend like everything is just perfectly hunky-dory. Just take a peek at my self-talk:
“Well at least I’m alive!”
“It could be worse!”
“I have so much to be grateful for, so I shouldn’t feel badly about this! Or about anything else for that matter!!”
Look, a good attitude is a good thing, and it can be developed with practice. But if I’ve learned anything from Pixar, it’s that negative emotion which is expressed in a healthy way, is also a good thing. And this skill also can be developed with practice. So I need not deny my disappointment. I need not shy away from my sadness. I need only to seek out and practice healthier ways to deal with emotional distress. Throwing on my rose-tinted shades has served me well up to now, but it is the strategy I conjured up in my childhood, and since I’m no longer a kid (despite my best efforts), I am due for an update.
But before I brainstorm better ways to deal with those “big feelings”, I wanted to give my best guess as to why negative emotions are difficult for me in the first place. I know that they’re difficult for everyone, but I have a particularly hard time even recognizing/accepting when I’m feeling bad, sad, or mad. So here’s my take on why that’s the case.
Back when I was a wee lad…
Obviously overgeneralizations are unfair to make due to the lack of nuance, but based on what I’ve heard from friends, and based on my own experience, here’s an overgeneralization I’ll make given the limited evidence I do have:
Asian-immigrant families are not so emotionally vulnerable.
I’m a first-gen Filipino-American, and both my parents were born and raised in the Philippines. And both of them come from old-school Filipino families. And what that means is we don’t spend that much time talking about our feelings. Even if they’re good, and especially if they’re bad.
I won’t dive deep into an analysis of the Filipino psyche, but I will say that we are a very proud people. And sometimes when you’re proud, it’s tough to be vulnerable. And in the rare instance that you do share yourself vulnerably, some might say you’re weak. Or maybe some other not-so-nice Tagalog words.
On the flip side, we’re also a very happy people! Even our country’s tagline is “It’s More Fun in the Philippines!” And I’ve experienced firsthand during my visits “back home” just how much joy Filipino people can generate, despite only having the essentials.
And largely, that was the dominant emotion I experienced in my household growing up. Joy. Happiness. And Love. And I will be forever grateful for that.
I will continue this post tomorrow! I’ve met my 500 words. And it’s just about bed time.
With LOVE,
Q.