Christian Quiwa

Authentic August – Day 16

In exactly one month I’ll be turning 28. Which means I have 31 full days left of my 27th year. How do I want to send off 27? And how do I want to start off 28?

Disciplined. Surrendered.

Disciplined…

I once wrote a little quote for myself, -actually I’m just gonna screenshot what I wrote on Facebook, because it still applies lol:

“Discipline’s compass points to true freedom.”

I have such a high attraction to the excitement of life that I tend to shy away from structure. Structure feels boring to me. I like being spontaneous and having a good time and “going with the flow.” And I think it was important for me to learn to live that way because I was such a “goody two shoes” growing up. But I cannot stress to you enough just how ready I am to live a more disciplined life. Still filled with the excitement and spontaneity I value, but balanced out with the discipline of taking care of myself.

And really that’s what I mean when I refer to discipline. The discipline of taking care of myself. Due to my codependent nature and my compulsion to help others first, I’ve historically neglected my own needs. And so far 2020 has been the most disciplined year of my life! Which doesn’t surprise me because I’m living at home for the first time since I left for college. It’s also the first time I’m not dating anyone in over a decade. And overall, being social is actually socially unacceptable right now. So “me time” has kind of been circumstantially forced upon me. Which is a plus I guess!

But now it’s just a matter of staying consistent. So tonight I’m going to brainstorm the the next 31 days of my life and build more discipline into it. I’ll share whatever I come up with in tomorrow’s post.

Surrendered…

Like I wrote about before, I want to grow as a tree does. Which means I want to surrender to whatever the universe has in store for me. But surrender means more than “letting go and letting God,” as they say. Ironically, it’s also a discipline! I think for me when I think surrender, I think about my spiritual side. Paying more attention to that which keeps me connected to the Divine. To others. Surrendering to the present moment. Which also means letting thoughts and feelings exist and move through you. Instead of resisting them or ruminating on them.

I guess I just want to get out of my own way! I think my Ego (in the spiritual sense, not the psychological sense) is trying to maintain some identity that ultimately is not good for me. I guess I just really want to shed my Ego. I want to shed all that I am not so that I may discover my True Self and my ultimate purpose. And I do that through the process of surrendering. I don’t know what this looks like in the practical sense yet, but I’ll come up with some ideas in tonight’s brainstorm.

Play…

I’ll never stop talking about Discipline, Surrender, and Play. It’s just an equation that makes sense to me and I want to experience it’s truth in my own life. Discipline + Surrender = Flow (but I like saying Play). So I have 31 days to adjust accordingly! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… this next stage of my life feels like it’s going to be different. Because I’m starting to feel different. Maybe it’s because 30 is right around the corner. Maybe it’s because I’m single for the first time in forever, which frees me up to confront my inner demons head on. Whatever it is, it feels like I’m beginning to live life on my own terms. It feels like this dream life I’ve been talking about… It feels like I actually have a shot at it. So I gotta shoot my shot!

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 15

Here’s a fun little insecurity of mine: I think nobody one wants to be my friend. I hesitate to even write this out because I feel like I’m just complaining. That I’m just being a whiny little bitch. (Side note: sometimes I can snap myself out of negative thinking by saying to myself, “Christian, quit being a whiny little bitch!”) But I’ll write it out anyway in hopes that some relief can be found on the other side. Here we go:

I like being close to people. I like being everyone’s best friend. This is probably because of my deepest fear of being unwanted or unworthy of love. But if we were to put a positive spin on it, it’s because I just love people. I love getting to know people and making my best effort to see them for who they really are. To reflect back to them that they are the most powerful beings in the universe. Because I believe when we can fully tap into Spirit, we become powerful beyond measure.

So throughout my life I’ve always gotten very close and intimate with people, and usually very quickly. We share our worries and hopes within a short period of time. I mean for goodness’ sake when I would work the register at Trader Joe’s, my favorite question was,

“What’s one of your most treasured memories?”

So yeah, I like making friends. Very naturally, I became the guy that people came to to talk about their feelings and problems. I became the shoulder to cry on. And rightfully so! I think I have some natural talent when it comes to interpersonal relationships. But then after a while – and I first noticed this at the tail end of high school/ beginning of college – I got a little jaded that people only saw me as that guy, the nice guy who would always be there for you, but not the guy who you’d invite to the party.

So in the middle of quarantine this insecurity has been bubbling up. I keep asking things like,

“Why am I the one who’s always reaching out first?”

“Why doesn’t anyone check up on me?”

“What happened to the zoom hangout we planned?”

But then I remember that there’s a FUCKING PANDEMIC GOING ON! That Black Lives Matter. That for some children, all they’ve ever known is rape and slavery. That I might just be acting like a whiny little bitch lol.

So it’s nice to spice it up with some perspective like this. There are real problems going on out there, and my friends are forced to contend with 2020 as well. Some of them don’t feel safe right now. Some of them are in deep pain. Some of them are just caught up in their own slice of the world at the moment. So this really isn’t about me. But at the same time I don’t want to minimize how I feel, or make myself wrong for feeling neglected. I acknowledge that I’m feeling this way and that it’s okay to feel what I feel. But I also want to keep things in perspective.

So to all my lovely friends who I haven’t spoken to in while… I miss you guys. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re surviving at least. I’ve lived enough life to realize I shouldn’t be taking our lack of connection personally. I mean some of the friends I’m closest with right now are friends I haven’t talked to for the last two years. So I know we’ll cross paths again. And when that day comes, there won’t be any grudges. There will only be LOVE.

And if we do not cross paths again… thanks for filling my life with your beautiful color. I appreciate you. And I’m grateful for the time we had together.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 14

Yesterday I talked about the difference between knowing something in theory and actually experiencing that thing. I gave the example of knowing that your family loves you vs. actually experiencing that love on a visceral level.

Today I’m going to talk about this same idea, but as it pertains to worthiness. The sense that “I am enough.”

I know (at least I do in my head) that I am enough. It’s a spiritual principle that I vibe with. That by virtue of being human, by virtue of being a child of God/TheUniverse, I am enough just because I exist. And that’s awesome! But I don’t always behave like this is true…

Based on my thoughts, actions, and behaviors, it would seem that I believe that I am NOT enough. It would seem that I believe that I am NOT worthy of love. That I do NOT believe that in and of myself, I am deserving. There’s a running theme in my life of trying to get people to like me – to validate that I’m lovable – because I haven’t yet done the work to truly love myself.

And this has proved to be very useful actually! Turns out that when you feel like you are not lovable you do everything in your power to get people to love you. So I’ve developed a likable personality. I hardly have any enemies. I am charismatic and charming and easy-going. My people skills are probably my strongest skills. So from a social perspective, I’ve done alright for myself.

But it gets out of hand sometimes! I end up being a people pleaser. I shapeshift into whatever people want or need me to be; a chameleon. I usually tend to others’ needs before my own. I engage in “friend hopping” which gets tiring and superficial at times. And the worst issue of them all: I’m always on the lookout for a new romantic relationship! Because what better way to prove to yourself that you’re lovable than to get somebody – anybody – to fall in love with you.

It’s all backwards. And I have so much to unpack here that it’s going to take more than today’s 500 words to cover. But I at least wanted to introduce this topic. Out of all of my interests and projects, this is the one thing I would love to finally master: loving myself for who I am.

And it’s not that I hate myself. Not at all. I do like myself. But I just don’t feel like I’m enough. I don’t feel like I measure up. And the ramifications of this are far-reaching.

So it’s a long journey ahead. I don’t expect this will be solved in one go. I’ve been on this journey for a while now, but I’m finally putting my full focus into this because it’s about time. No more distractions. Just prioritizing my self-care. Just learning to love myself. Because if I can’t give myself love, can I really give it to others?

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 13

Something I always talk about is the difference between knowing a thing in theory and knowing a thing in practice, or through experience. For example, while I may know that my family loves me and that I love my family, I’m unsure that we experience that fully. To me the experience of love should feel so overwhelming that you ache. Like a deep joy that overflows your heart which then leads to the impulse to hug your person, to tear a little just thinking of them, or to vulnerably look them in the eyes and simply say “I love you.”

Yeah, all that mushy gushy stuff… we don’t do that! At least not yet. It’s unbearable to imagine a day when my mom or dad or even me (I would hope my little brother outlives us all) reaches the end of our life without having dived deeper into the experience of love. Yes, I’m okay knowing that we love each other, and I’m very grateful for this and for the fact that we get along – I know not every family is lucky enough to say that – but I will forever strive for deeper connections and experiences with people, especially with my family.

I get that I’m a weirdo. Perhaps I am overly sentimental and highly emotional, but that’s just who I am! And I shouldn’t shy away from that just to stick to the status quo. Growth is the result of relentlessly operating outside of your comfort zone. And I think we can agree that pushing past our discomfort is well worth reaching a deeper experience of love; it’s well worth reaching new heights in the experience of life.

Let’s illustrate this theory vs. practice idea with a simpler example: living a healthy life. We all know what it takes to live a healthy life. Eat more veggies, consume less processed foods, and get active three to five times a week. Simple. Just plug and play and you’re on your way. But even though a lot of us know this to be true, we somehow fail to put that knowledge into practice, so we don’t actually experience a healthier body, much to our body’s dismay.

This reminds me of one of my all-time favorite quotes from the book that kickstarted my obsession with personal development, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey:

“To learn and not to do is really not to learn. To know and not to do is really not to know.”

I’ve spent a whole lot of time learning. I’ve spent a whole lot of time accumulating knowledge. But I’ve only spent a portion of that time doing. On executing on that knowledge. In a lot of ways this stage of my life feels like a time for doing. For putting everything I’ve learned over the years into practice. I don’t mean to minimize the growth that I have experienced up to now – in fact, I’m rather far removed from the person I once was – I’m just saying that it feels like I’m on the verge of some new, fresh growth. And I know the key lies in doing the work. In doing the work we know we ought to. So let’s get to work, shall we?

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 12

I’m rather exhausted today! I’m functioning just fine, but I’m only just getting by. And I’m not motivated to write this post. The reason why is that I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was finishing up my weekly YouTube video, which I’ve promised to release before I go to bed every Tuesday night. If I don’t, then I’m supposed to donate to an anti-charity. So far this strategy is working out for me, and I am posting every Tuesday night (or Wednesday morning), but this whole staying up late thing has got to go!

I’ve always been a night owl, but I think it’s time to become an early bird! I was actually already consistently waking up around 5:00 am for a good while there – from March to June – but my habits kind of went by the wayside when I got lost in my emotional/existential slump. But now I’m back!

I think from March to June my habits were a little too disciplined and a bit too intense, which is part of why I slipped into the slump in the first place. So what we’re after here is sustainability. Balance. Again… how can we play at the intersection of discipline and surrender?

Let’s brainstorm:

First of all, I think this daily blog is important because it prioritizes my creative side. In the recent past, my life revolved around a solid morning routine and my meditation practice. And I think that’s great! But I neglected my creativity. And I think it’s odd to claim that I’m a musician and that I have dreams of making a living by making things, but at the same time spend little time actually pursuing that dream. Oh the crippling nature of fear!

So now I’d like to experiment with designing my days around my creativity, and not the other way around. I still want to maintain a healthy work-life balance, but if anything must be sacrificed, it will no longer be my craft. And I’m liking the idea of using this blog as the foundation for all of my other habits, including waking up earlier.

Here’s what I’m thinking:

1. Sleep before midnight. (As a night owl, it isn’t uncommon for me to stay up much later than this.)

2. Wake up before the sun. (I hesitate to set a definite sleep/wake time because when I get too rigid, I either burn out or I resist the schedule. It’s almost like I don’t like being told what to do, even if it’s my past self ordering me around. Crazy right? Lol. Also, when I “fail” or miss one of my habits, the perfectionist in me gets super critical and I end up feeling badly about myself. Then it’s a downward spiral from there! So this is my workaround for now.)

3. Spend the first 90 minutes of my waking hours completing this daily blog.

Since I’m already committed to “Authentic August”, I’m willing to run this experimental schedule for the remainder of the month. (But only on my days off, which should be fine since I only work three days a week.) I think it’s pretty straightforward and I believe I can stick to it; after all, August is already almost halfway through. So let’s see what happens! I’ll report back if and when I learn anything significant.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 11

(Yesterday it took me 1 hour and 45 minutes to completely publish and post the blog to all the appropriate channels; let’s see if we can shave off 15 minutes today!)

Human beings are the only species on Earth that has the blessing/curse of being self-aware. I know researchers are trying to figure out if certain higher intelligence animals are self-aware, but even if they are, they wouldn’t be on our level. So every other species on Earth gets to do what it was born to do, even the trees, but humans are stuck with the ability to ask existential questions; we have the opportunity to ask why.

Why am I here? Why do I exist? Who am I? What am I even supposed to be doing?

Growing up, the answer to these questions was simple and straightforward. My family is Christian, so the answer was always something like, “You’re here to accept Jesus into your life and to do God’s will.” And that was all fine and dandy for the first couple decades of my life, but after being exposed to new ideas and possibilities in college, I began a deeper search. I began seeking truth. Well… actually even when I was entrenched in the Christian tradition, I was a seeker of truth. Even then I would ask the tough questions and I was dissatisfied whenever someone responded with “God works in mysterious ways.” So I guess it’s in my nature; I’m just a truth-seeker!

My spiritual beliefs now are a hodgepodge of various traditions, including Christianity, and honestly I’m still seeking the truth, and I always will, because I don’t think I’ll ever get to know the Ultimate Truth. I don’t think the human mind is capable of understanding that which is beyond it. But it’s in the seeking that I find meaning. And it’s in the sharing what I’ve learned that I find purpose.

Wow. Those those last two sentences surprised me…

When I woke up today I wondered what I would write about, and at first I wanted to write about my struggle with discovering and doing that which is natural to me. Which is why I opened by talking about the special ability of self-awareness that we humans are blessed/cursed with. All other species do that which is natural to them. They don’t overthink it. They don’t ask themselves, “is this what I’m supposed to be doing?”

So I was going to discuss an analogy that I often use to express what I ultimately want out of life: I want to grow as a tree does; naturally. A tree doesn’t wonder if it should grow in this direction or the other. It doesn’t question if it’s growing too fast or too slow. A tree simply soaks in the sun, gives shade and oxygen to those nearby, and ceaselessly reaches for the heavens, even though she will never reach it. Imprinted in her DNA are the instructions she was meant to carry out. She does that which is in her nature to do.

So the two sentences above are surprising because I started writing just wanting to express that I’m not exactly sure why I’m here. That I didn’t know if I was growing naturally like the tree, even though that’s what I envision for myself. But I guess I do know why I’m here. And perhaps I’ve always known, but simply forgot. After all, isn’t life just a cycle of forgetting and remembering? And when you do remember, doesn’t it feel more profound than any remembering previous?

It’s in the seeking that I find meaning.

It’s in the sharing what I’ve learned that I find purpose.

With LOVE,

Q.

(total time = 95 minutes. Yay! Shaved off 10! Progress over perfection.)

Authentic August – Day 10

Moving forward I commit to completing these posts in 90 minutes or less. This includes the writing, finding the image above, editing it for a thumbnail, scheduling the YouTube live read-along, and announcing it on my Facebook. The actual live read-along, the last step in this sequence, will not be included in the 90 minutes. Without this time constraint I fool myself into thinking that I have all day to complete this, when in reality I have other responsibilities and projects I’d like to get to. Simple things like working out or hanging out with my brother, to more involved things like editing my vlogs or recording some music.

I think the 90 minute time limit will help me out a ton. First of all, it will help develop my focus. If I don’t want to write something that’s completely incoherent, I’ll need to minimize as many distractions as possible. This means no texting, no phone calls, no moving my piece after seeing the chess.com notification (my username is Maveriq if you wanna play!).

Secondly, over time I’ll get to see if my writing is improving. If I rush a post on one day, and the next I’m typing away for a whopping five hours, then I’d probably see a huge variability in quality. But if every time I’m only allotted 90 minutes, and I see that my writing is getting better (or worse!), then at least I’ll know it isn’t because of how much time I spent on it.

Third, this isn’t supposed to be about quality anyway! It’s about the daily practice of starting and finishing something creative. It’s about riding these random trains of thought on an inward journey to my authentic self. Unpolished and unfiltered, whatever comes up comes up, and we can flesh it out later.

Which brings me to the fourth and final benefit: I get to generate fodder for more fleshed out vlogs later! Because I’m not pressuring myself to write so high quality, I’m free to write the way I would in a journal, which is usually more raw, real, and authentic. And what I’m beginning to realize is that I can just repurpose these blogs into better quality, refined ideas for the vlogs on my YouTube channel. Seemingly unrelated blog posts might actually hide some underlying themes, and later I can weave these ideas together into some unified point for a vlog. Take for example, Rose-Colored Glasses part 1 and 2 – I’ll be developing that into video content for tomorrow’s video.

I may find that 90 minutes is unrealistic (I only have 20 minutes left!), but I do think it’s vital I start working within a time limit for these posts. Now that I seem to have gotten myself out of the creative/existential rut I was in – which is why I started Authentic August in the first place, to get out of that place – I need to reintroduce some of the structure I had before I fell into that funk. I was rocking all of my habits for a solid 3 to 4 months, and then it all kinda caved in! In hindsight, I think that last month of “super discipline” was meaningless. I found myself just going through the motions, so I know that getting back to that level isn’t the answer. The answer is probably somewhere between funk and frenzied. Somewhere between hard work and good rest. So here’s to creating a space that’s somewhere in between discipline and surrender…

With LOVE,

Q.

p.s. I only have 10 minutes left to complete everything else! I’ll report back what the final time ends up being: 1 hour, 45 minutes. Something to work on!

Authentic August – Day 9

continued from part 1…

The only issue though is that if you’re just a kid, and the only emotions that are modeled for you are the happy, feel-good ones, then you’ll grow up a bit confused when a “bad” feeling does come up. Maybe you wouldn’t even know how to describe it, let alone express it in a healthy way.

Emotional Vocabulary

For example, several years ago I was helping a friend move out of her apartment and there was a bunch of stuff in her room to pack up. Pillows, blankets, trinkets, clothes, all that. At one point she asked me to start packing up the duvet… I glanced around the room searching for something that might be called a “doovay” since I’d actually never heard that word before. Finally I just asked, “What’s a doovay?”

Little did I know that a duvet is a type of blanket! I didn’t know because it wasn’t part of my vocabulary; I never learned it. A limit or a gap in my knowledge was revealed in that moment. In the same way, we might have some limits or gaps in our emotional vocabulary. We may not know the name of the emotion, or we may not know how to express the emotion in a healthy way, just because no one ever taught or modeled that to us.

Something I’ll always come back to is this idea that people are just doing the best with what they know. So if my parents only wanted me to experience happy emotions and they wanted to try and minimize any sad emotions, well… I mean a) that makes sense, and b) thank you! But, they probably did that because it’s all that they knew growing up. “Be happy. Don’t be sad.” It’s well meaning, but it also limits our emotional vocabulary.

Also, I’m starting to see that this isn’t just an immigrant or Filipino thing, it’s a vulnerability thing. It’s about how emotionally vulnerable and expressive your family is, regardless of culture. That said, I do believe that culture influences a family’s level of vulnerability. I would guess that some cultures are more skilled at vulnerability than others, but I haven’t actually explored the research yet, so I could be wrong.

Expanding Our Vocabulary

So how can I improve my coping mechanisms? How can I let go of my rose-colored glasses? Even though they’ve served me well up to now, is there a strategy that will serve me better?

Well I touched on this a few days ago in my Balancing post, and I referenced Rumi’s poem, The Guest House, and I think that’s a good starting point for me. The Guest House is a very short poem, so if you can, please read it yourself, but basically it says to welcome every emotion “into your house” as you would a guest, even if it’s uncomfortable or downright depressing.

This personification of an emotion as a guest is excellent, because guests have names! So for me, I think the first step is to become familiar with my guests by knowing their names.

“Oh you’re Sadness! And, oh you’re Anger! Thanks for visiting me. What can I do for you? Or what can you do for me?”

Sometimes when we speak our truth or our experience out loud, that’s enough to alleviate some of the suffering. And when we name our emotions and welcome them in, we’re no longer resisting. Ultimately, we are accepting them. And surrendering. And being gentle and understanding of ourselves, the way we would with a friend. We should accept what we’re feeling, instead of resisting it, because as the saying goes, “what you resist persists.”

So the next time I’m feeling off, I’m going to explore the feeling. I’m going to try to get to know him or her. I’m going to accept it’s presence, knowing that it’s okay to feel, and I think in some way this is a means to accepting myself more fully. A way to be more authentic.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 8

Another stream of consciousness post for tonight! No time for anything else as I’ve snuck away from the party downstairs. It was Lolo’s birthday this pastThursday and some family is over for the weekend to celebrate. Lolo turned 82! It’s an extra special birthday because he’s recently healed from cancer and he is still going strong, despite his constant asserting that he’s losing his mind lol. Actually, it isn’t that funny, but I’m just making light of the situation.

Family time feels more precious in the midst of quarantine. Earlier as Uncle Moses was praying for our lunch, my mind wandered to the word “love.” Despite my dissatisfaction with the lack of deep intimacy within my family, I cannot deny the love that binds us together. We may not talk about our feelings or overtly express our love for one another, but when I’m able to see clearly, the subtleties of our love are revealed.

It’s revealed in the meals cooked. The money given. The jokes made. The shots shared. The games played. The “Take Care’s.” The “Drive Safe’s.” The duets sang. The dances danced. The stories told. The laughs laughed. The movies watched. The pictures taken. And the prayers prayed. It’s revealed in all of the sacrifices they’ve made for the next generation – for me – to have a better life than they did.

But here’s the thing, I’m not always able to see this clearly. Sometimes I’m just focused on that lack of intimacy I mentioned. I just searched my email for the results of my 5 Love Languages quiz, and my top two are “Quality Time” and “Physical Touch.” Those don’t rank highly in the Quiwa family lol. We spend time together, but there’s usually a screen nearby in case things get too real haha. As for physical touch… the closest thing I get to a hug is usually a side hug! I think the Quiwa’s top love language is “Acts of Service,” because we do that very well, and I just need to keep that in mind. I just need to be grateful.

And I am grateful! I am blessed. My family is healthy and happy and we get along. But that won’t stop me from trying to bring more intimacy into the mix! If I know what my love languages are, then how can I gently incorporate them into our dynamic? How can I accept my family for who they are, while striving for the stronger bond that I’m longing for?

I think the first step for me is to recognize that it’s perfectly okay that I desire more intimacy. I should give myself permission to feel the way I feel. I should honor my needs. And I feel like I need a hug sometimes! Ha!

I think the second step is to not judge my family for their level of intimacy. Everyone is just doing the best with what they know. And being vulnerable is just a foreign concept to them. And that’s perfectly okay too!

This will be a lifelong process of meeting in the middle. Of understanding one another. And I’m thankful I even have the opportunity to try.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 7

I just picked up my guitar and sang for the first time in about a month. That’s about when my descent into “not-so-good” days began. It feels so good to make music! And it’s funny that I forget that sometimes. In an effort to better remember this, I’ll share this quote and revisit it often:

“In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions: ‘When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?'”

–Gabrielle Roth

“When did you stop singing?”

Such a powerful question! The other three, of course, are equally powerful, but the singing question has a special resonance for me. I’m a singer. I grew up in a singing family. And I’ve been in singing groups for a very long time. This is actually the first year in eleven years that I’m not in some sort of singing group. Wild!

It makes sense that music is a special type of medicine for me. Just like it’s good for you to eat your veggies, I gotta remember that it’s good for me to sing my heart out! So I’m gonna add another rule to “Authentic August”, a rule that’s outside of the scope of the blog, but still relevant to creativity and being more authentic.

Rule #4: Sing one song every day.

Maybe in addition to reading the blog out loud over on YouTube live, I’ll sing a song! Nothing fancy. Maybe even a cappella. But just a little something to feed my soul.

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Growing up I had dreams of becoming a famous singer, like my idol Gary V. But over time I began comparing myself to others (and still do) and that discouraged me from “going for it” (and sometimes it still does). So I dropped that dream for a bit, I left it on the shelf to collect dust. Then I started piling other things on top of it: college, friends, a quarter-life crisis, adulting… Eventually it was buried under a heap of living life.

But I suppose the dreams that are planted in our hearts never go away. And now with the beauty of the internet, the dreams of an artist have never been more possible. I don’t need to be famous. But I do need to sing my songs. I recognize that God has given me the gift of song, and I say that as humbly as I can. And when you’re given a gift, it’s meant to be shared. It’s meant to be taken care of. It’s meant to bring light and love into the world.

So I’m going for it! My dream life is a life of connection. Of sharing my heart and my song and surrendering to what the universe has in store for me. Like I said, I don’t need fame or money, but I would love if my music could be my ticket around the world.

I’ll end with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books, The Alchemist:

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

–Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

With LOVE,

Q.