Christian Quiwa

Authentic August – Day 26 (22 days ’til 28)

Thus far we haven’t explicitly covered what is perhaps the most challenging ongoing issues of my life: romantic relationships. But today is the day we get into it! And why? Because…

My ex-girlfriend contacted me a couple days ago lol… So let’s sort this thing out shall we! (Just a heads up, this will probably be a two- or three-parter! There’s a lot to unpack here.)

So we broke up back in February because I needed to “find myself.” This wasn’t the first time I’ve given this reason while breaking up with someone, but it is the first time I was prepared to follow through and actually do the work to “find myself,” and I’ll explain what that means for me later.

You see, I’ve been perpetually involved with a romantic partner since 5th grade! Back then I blamed it on my hopeless romanticism, which I think partially stems from all the dramtically romantic and grandiose Filipino love songs I listened to. Plus I think Filipino culture has an obsession with the idea of “true love,” at least that was my perspective as a Filipino-American kid growing up in the 90’s. (Not sure if we’re still obsessed with it, but I’d guess that we still are lol.) Basically, I was girl crazy and I was always on the lookout for “the one.”

Though the following is a bit of an oversimplification, these were the typical steps in the cycle…

Step 1: Find a cute girl that I “like-like.”

Step 2: Commence “the chase” and get her to like or even fall for me.

Step 3: Succeed and date for a while.

[Step 3B: In the (common) event that the girl denied my courtship, it didn’t matter. If anything that made it more exciting, so I’d double down and pull out all the stops to get her to like me. And this just made life miserable for the both of us. Nuts!]

Step 4: Eventually get bored because the chase is over.

Step 5: Start looking for “the one” elsewhere, even if I was still with the first girl. In fact, it wasn’t uncommon for me to have multiple crushes at once, and have them crush on me back.

Step 6: Rinse and repeat!

Definitely NOT the best strategy!!

Now that I’m older and I’ve done some investigative work on why I am the way that I am, I’ve come to realize that my deepest fear is of being unwanted, and of being unworthy of love. (For further reading on this, check out Type 2 of the Ennegram; I’m without a doubt the “Helper.”) So my Ego’s strategy to guard against this fear is to accrue as much “love” from other people. From friends, from family, from strangers, but especially from a romantic partner. That’s why I’m such a “people person” – because I’m such a people pleaser. Somewhere along the way I came to believe that in order to receive love, I needed to do things for other people to get it. And I guess I feel compelled to collect as much “love” as possible to prove to myself I’m worthy of it.

Another LOSING strategy! I’m on a roll…

And that’s where we’ll leave it for today! Tune in tomorrow to hear more about what’s going on with my ex, and to hear me think out loud about better strategies moving forward.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 25 (23 days ’til 28)

I think it’s bonkers that despite all the major positive changes I’ve made within the last several months – like consistently creating content, a decreased consumption of drugs and alcohol, a healthier diet, more financial control, and better overall clarity of purpose – I still get trapped into believing I’m not good enough. Like, at what point will I begin to feel like my efforts are paying off? What do I need to do to experience peace within myself?

Maybe it’s too early in the game and I’m just getting impatient with the process. If that’s the case, then so be it. After all, at the end of the day, all I can really do is control those things which are within my Circle of Influence, and let go of anything which falls within my Circle of Concern, or those things I do not have control over. As the saying goes, “Do your best, and forget the rest.”

And here’s another goodie: “Let go and let God.”

The word that just popped into my head is Surrender. Maybe there are certain things I’m placing within my Circle of Influence that actually belong in my Circle of Concern. Maybe I’m trying to control things that should be surrendered…

For me, surrender means trust and faith. Trusting that the Universe or God has your back, and having faith that everything is going to turn out alright. Though my spiritual journey has taken many turns, I’ve always had Faith. I’ve always had a gut feeling that my life is heading in the right direction, even if I don’t know exactly where I’m going. So I suppose I can rest easy here; in trusting that even though I still feel small despite all the positive change I’m making, I’m on my way to feeling bigger and bigger each day.

I know I already have a lot on my plate. But a discipline I want to attend to is making sure I’m engaging with my spiritual side on a daily basis. Maybe this looks like reading the Bible and praying. Maybe it means reading the Power of Now and meditating. Whatever combination I choose, I have a feeling that the peace I’m seeking is found in my spiritual journey. As such, something else I’d like to dive deep into this next phase of my life is my spirituality. Studying spiritual texts, listening to spiritual teachers, and developing a practice.

By paying more attention to my spirituality, I think I’ll better foster my ability to surrender. I’m noticing a lot of resistance in my life lately. Resisting certain people, certain emotions, certain opportunities. And since it seems I’m doing well with the Discipline side of the equation, it’s time to pour more into the Surrender side.

Remember, Discipline + Surrender = Play.

With LOVE,

Q.

p.s. This isn’t necessarily related to what I just wrote, but it’s something I keep thinking about: I want to surrender my life to the Universe/God because I believe that what they have in store for me is far greater than anything I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. So I just gotta show up and do my best, and then let go and let God.

Authentic August – Day 24 (24 days ’til 28)

Sometime back in 2013, after a breakup with my first girlfriend (and not the final breakup), I searched the web for dating advice, and this one piece of wisdom has never left me:

“Deserve What You Want”

It’s nice to see that all these years later, Scot and Emily over at www.deservewhatyouwant.com are still doing their thing! Basically their main philosophy on dating is that you need to “deserve what you want.” In other words, if you want a high quality person as your partner, you need to be the type of person that deserves that person. You yourself must become high quality. This is straight from their site:

“Waiting around for someone to come along” or any other passive strategy won’t cut it. Actively becoming the kind of partner who deserves a great mate is the only option.

And for a personal development nerd like me, this idea resonated so freakin’ much! Of course it makes sense that if you want to date an independent and whole person, you too should be an independent and whole person. Because we attract who we are. And all we have to do is think back to high school to see the truth in this statement. The jocks chilled with the jocks. The band kids jammed with their bandmates. And the AP students nerded out with the other goody two-shoes. We tend vibe with people who are on our wave-length, and if you want to access higher vibrations, you need to step up your game, so to speak.

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I’m not here to talk about dating, but I am bringing up this concept of “deserve what you want” because something I read this morning from The 7 Habits basically carries the same message: if you want external success, you must become successful within first. You must change your insides to solve any of your problems outside. So this principle of being so you can have, of deserving what you want, is applicable to more than just dating. Here’s an excerpt from what I read today:

“If you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it. If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent… If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy.”

And just this morning, in a moment of kismet, I was given the opportunity to be more so that I can later have more…

If you read my post titled What’s In Your Hands? then you know that I’ve been slacking hard in my role as the Social Media and Content Strategist for my friend’s financial coaching business, Metanoia. I concluded that post by recommitting myself to my role with Metanoia.

Well it turns out they also took notice that I was hard slacking! Because the lack of my consistency has been an ongoing struggle for us, the Metanoia Team really called me out on my bullshit during this morning’s meeting. They took ownership of how they enabled my slacking, I took ownership of my subpar performance, and we wiped the slate clean.

And this is where the kismet comes in: so I just wrote about being more faithful with what’s in my hand (Metanoia), and then this morning Sean and Fern presented me with an opportunity to step up in a big way. They came with a proposal. Essentially they said,

“Q… you can step up as the new Social Media Director, or we can go our separate ways; no hard feelings. We’ll still be friends, we’ll still support you, but if you’re gonna be with us, then this is what’s expected from you moving forward.”

They actually came prepared with a written job description, decked out with clear expectations, responsibilities, and even disciplinary protocol. Our previous arrangement was rather hazy and lax; this updated role is more concrete. There’s more clarity on how I should execute.

Quite serendipitous, right?! Yes, it was my lack of performance that prompted the need for more structure and detail, but it’s just funny how I decided only a few days ago that I’m ready to finally step up with Metanoia and suddenly this happens! (Side note: I didn’t take their “reprimand” personally. I’ve been hard at work on my own ventures here and on YouTube, and I let Metanoia slip through the cracks. But honestly, I’m reframing this morning’s “stern talking to” as an opportunity to start fresh. It isn’t failure if you learned something, right?)

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And now bringing it back to The 7 Habits, we can use the previous if-then statements as a template to create one specific to my current situation:

If I want to have a digital nomad life, then I need to be the kind of person who develops digital skills and generates an online income. If I want to have what’s in my heart, then I need to be faithful with what’s in my hand. And that’s Metanoia. With this business, I get to learn and develop the digital skills necessary to one day build my own online business, which will allow me to leave the grind of the 9-5 and travel with my work around the world!

So I’m grateful that everything is coming together nicely; I feel very blessed. I’m beyond grateful for Sean and Fern’s patience, understanding, and continued belief in me.

I know what I want… now it’s time become the person that deserves it.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 23 (25 days ’til 28)

I’m just going to do a journaling exercise for today’s post. This is what I do whenever I feel like there’s too much commotion in my head and I need some clarity. The exercise is simple: just write down a question and answer it. Then rinse and repeat. We already do this all day erryday in our heads, but this brings more clarity to my thinking. Seeing my logic (or lack thereof) written out on the page ensures I am moving forward with my thinking and not just going around in circles. When I’m just thinking in my head I can’t always see that my thoughts are trapped in a loop, at least not until I’ve made a few rounds. Because this daily blog has temporarily replaced my journaling habit, I figure I’ll just do this exercise here out in the open, since it’s related to everything I’ve been discussing with simplification and patience. So here it goes!

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Q! Long time, no see. Let’s see if we can bring more clarity to the commotion in your head…

What is the perceived problem?

I’m doing too much and it’s making me feel scattered and impatient.

What are all the things you’re “doing”?

In no particular order:

• “Authentic August” and the accompanying livestream
• Weekly YouTube video and figuring out if I should niche down
• Creating content for Metanoia
• Tidying up
• The 7 Habits
• Regular exercise
• Tutoring Chrys
• Miscellaneous, aka everything else lol

What can you drop from this list?

I guess I can drop “Authentic August” when the month is over. I can drop “niching down” for now and just make videos for fun’s sake, which is a more sustainable way to go about it anyway. I’m committed to everything else on the list.

What is the ONE THING you can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary?

I’d really like to start “Tidying Up.” That’s what this weekend was supposed to be for anyway, but we had family visiting unexpectedly, and I helped out with the yard work. It will make things easier in the sense that I’ll get it out of the way. And I fully expect to feel a sense of renewal after the whole process is complete. So as soon as we’re done here, let’s get started on the “Clothes” subcategory for tidying up.

How will you execute on the remaining items on the list?

Because I’m focusing on fully integrating The 7 Habits into my life, I’ll read it first thing in the morning. Then I’ll write the blog. I can write about whatever, or I can write about what I’m learning in The 7 Habits. Then I’ll exercise. Then Metanoia. Then time with Chrys. Then the rest of the day to create for YouTube. So maybe for my days off that looks like this:

5:00 am – The 7 Habits

6:00 am – Authentic August

7:30 am – Exercise

8:30 am – Metanoia

10:00 am – Tutor Chrys

12:00 pm – Lunch

1:00-5:00 pm – YouTube // Music // Tidying // Miscellaneous

6:00 pm – Family

9:00 pm – Sleep

Obviously this is a general template. Some days I’ll have meetings or random stuff come up, but this is a good flow to all the given things I need to do every day.

Why are you doing any of this in the first place?

Good question! Why does any of this matter? Because I’d like to prove to myself that I actually can take care of myself, my dreams, and my responsibilities; I can do it all. Routine is good for me. I’ve glimpsed this truth already. And as much as I love my spontaneity, I’d like to get to know a more disciplined Christian. Free from the grip of his extraverted ways, and firmly held in a self-loving embrace. This is self-care unlike any I’ve experienced before. This is prioritizing my well-being and my dreams. This is letting go of all the drama, romance, and other new shiny objects (for now!). This is Discipline. This is Surrender. And I pray may I discover Play in the process.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 22 (26 days ’til 28)

Patience is the key to peace.

I’ve been in a slight frazzle lately what with the excitement of the 7-Day YouTube Influence Challenge as well as from my goal to simplify my life over the next month or so. For whatever reason, the hustle and grind of it all makes me anxious and impatient. I don’t know if you get like this too, but when I start strategizing and dreaming up a dope future for myself, it’s like I get TOO excited and I just WANT IT NOW! In other words, when I gain momentum, I get impatient.

Another enemy I’m fighting in this battle for more patience is comparison. Of course I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but that’s much easier said than done, especially because I’ve been comparing myself to others my whole life. My shadow side is my pride. And I’ve spent a lot of my youth feeling better than others, and even after I became aware that I was doing that, it’s still a daily struggle. And you can’t feel better than others, you can’t boost your ego, unless you’re comparing yourself to people. And now that I’m about to turn 28 just 26 days from now, I’ve been comparing myself to other friends that are a similar age.

In a lot of ways I feel behind. And I feel like I need to “catch up.” So… I’m impatient. Which makes me want to hustle harder! But then that’s kind of a vicious cycle. Because as I said earlier, the hustle and momentum creates more impatience for me.

So whenever I get super impatient like this, I just need to take a breathe and slow it down. And more practically, I can get my mindset right by watching a bunch of Gary Vaynerchuk videos! He’s always talking about how even in your twenties you’re still a baby. That at 28, I still have 60 years of executing left. And that the reason we get so impatient is because we care about what other people think about us, and because we’re comparing ourselves to others.

He even talks about how it’s a smart decision to move back home with your parents and hustle hard for your dreams there because you’ll save a bunch of money. And that’s exactly what I did. I’m not sure I made the decision consciously, but now that I’m here, I really do see it as one of the necessary steps on my way to bigger things. Scaling down to scale up. Simplifying.

So life is exactly how it’s supposed to be right now. I get that. I just want to internalize that more and more each day. People say “Go Big or Go Home,” but I think what I’m doing is “Going Big by Going Home!” Lol!

Anyway, thanks for reading/tuning in. I’ll talk more about patience over the next few days; I feel I didn’t do it justice. This felt more like a stream of consciousness type post, but I want to really think this through a bit more so that the next time I feel impatient, I can revisit whatever strategy/mindset hack I come with haha! Enjoy your Saturday night!

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 21 (27 days ’til 28)

“If you’re faithful with what’s in your hand, God will give you what’s in your heart.”

I heard this driving home last night and it seems to have lodged itself into my brain! For context, this little nugget of wisdom came from Sean Cannell of Think Media. They’re hosting a 7-Day YouTube Influence Challenge and while I’ve decided I’m not actively doing the challenge due to the insane schedule, I am still listening to the live training replays during my commute to and from work.

I know Sean is a former pastor so I googled the quote to see if it’s Biblical. Turns out it comes from The Parable of the Shrewd Manager. Here’s the specific verse I think the quote is derived from:

¹² And if you have not been faithful in that which is another’s, who will give you that which is your own?

Luke 16:12 (ESV)

I won’t get into the details of the parable, but I will focus on what the quote is bringing up for me. And if you’ve been following the last fews blogs, you can probably guess what it has to do with: more simplification!

So I’ve referenced this in my livestreams, but I haven’t yet written about it here: I work as the Social Media and Content Strategist for my buddy’s company, Metanoia LLC. We believe that in order to build the life of your dreams, you first need to build a strong financial foundation. So we help people take control of their finances through a combination of coaching, community, and budgeting. I’ve benefitted immensely as a Metanoia Member – my finances have never been healthier, but what’s even better is working on the business! I get to work with and learn from two of my friends, Sean and Fernando. And even though I joined the team a little later, it really does feel like we’re at the ground level of this business.

Only thing is… I’m not “being faithful with what’s in my hand.” The quote says that if we’re faithful with what’s in our hands, God or the Universe will give us what’s in our hearts. Metanoia LLC is the thing that’s in my hands right now. And I think recently I’ve been really focused with what’s on my heart. Which is fine! But I’d like there to be a better balance between these two ventures.

And what this probably means is that some of the other projects I’m working on need to be put on the shelf for now. So I’m going to think about that more, but basically I’m just expressing a fresh desire and commitment to hustle and grind with Metanoia. It’s definitely a stepping stone on the journey to my dream life, and I should remember that and take full advantage of this opportunity.

What’s in your hands that you should be faithful to? Are you also impatient with the dreams that are in your heart? Please let me know in the comments! Talk to y’all tomorrow.

With LOVE,

Q.

p.s. the link above is my first affiliate link! If you buy anything from us using my link, I get a small portion of that. And I’ve already made a couple bucks from it! It’s actually pretty exciting for me and it reminds me that my dreams are indeed possible. And yours are too 🙂

Authentic August – Day 20 (28 days ’til 28)

Yesterday I talked about decluttering our chessboards in order to make the game easier to play; it’s just a cute analogy to say that we should strive to simplify our lives. I elaborated a bit more during the livestream and then I introduced some ways I’m looking to simplify my life. And the top item on the simplification to-do list is TIDYING UP!

I first read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up several years ago after I bought the book for my parents as a Christmas present (I don’t think they ever read it lol). During that time I was hyped on minimalism: I watched the Minimalism documentary on Netflix, I would play minimalism TED Talks in the background as I was packing up to move to a new apartment, and I was simulateneously trying to get rid of as many possessions as possible.

A common thread found in the topics I find most interesting is this idea of living an intentional life, and that’s what minimalism is about ultimately. It’s more than just getting rid of your possessions; it’s about determining what you value, and making sure those values stay front and center in your life.

So in the spirit of minimalism and living a more intentional life, I’m rereading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up! I’m about a third of the way through, and this weekend I plan to execute on what I’m learning. According to Ms. Kondo, if you tidy up the right way, you’ll only need to do it once. None of her clients have ever rebounded, and her waiting list has a waiting list. So she knows her stuff!

As you can tell from the fact that I’m rereading the book, clearly I didn’t get it right the first time lol, but this is what Marie has to say about that:

“If you use the right method and concentrate your efforts on eliminating clutter thoroughly and completely within a short span of time, you’ll see instant results that will empower you to keep your space in order ever after.“

For me, this “short span of time” will be over the next 28 days, meaning by my birthday. And this is in line with my goal to start my 28th year off on the right foot. Clearing out my clutter and changing up my room “thouroughly and completely” will be my little birthday present to myself. I predict that I will feel “empowered” by the “instant results.” I think I’ll feel energized by optimizing my space and only keeping those possessions that “spark joy” as the book recommends.

As always, if there are any golden nuggets of wisdom that I read, I’ll share them here. One that I’ll leave you with today is this:

“The urge to point out someone else’s failure to tidy is usually a sign that you are neglecting to take care of your own space.”

This is so confronting! To me this quote is more than just about tidying our space… this speaks to tidying one’s life as well. Due to my own high (and impossible) standards for my life, I’ve often projected those onto friends and family unfairly. So much energy is freed up when we’re able to truly leave people alone lol. Like, you do you! This is another thing I need to work on; another way I can simplify. Instead, lead by example. Certainly we can offer feedback, but usually only when asked for it. Just lead yourself, and lead by example.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 19 (29 days ’til 28)

The other day I was watching this chess video and learned about the concept of simplification. Without getting into too much detail, simplification is the process of taking a cluttered chessboard – meaning there’s still a bunch of pieces left in play – and making it less cluttered. So if you and I were playing, basically we would start a sequence of capturing each other’s pieces until there are only a handful left. With the board less cluttered, gameplay becomes more straightforward, and voila! we’ve simplified the game. As a strategy, simplification is useful to the player who has more pieces on the board, because after trading sequence is complete is, that player should still have the advantage.

But why the chess lesson, Q?! I have no interest in chess!

Well, faithful reader, it’s because simplification isn’t just a chess strategy, it’s also winning life strategy! Especially if you’re like me and you have a habit of biting off a little more than you can chew! At least this is what I immediately thought of when I was watching that chess video.

I have a tendency to pick up a lot of different projects and hobbies, and that’s because I have a lot of different interests. As the saying goes, I am a jack of all trades, but a king of none! And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if what you’re after is mastery, then it’s best to focus on one thing at a time. So we want to simplify to amplify! We want to prune our projects down so that the ones left over are given the necessary space to grow! We want to declutter our chessboard so that the game is easier to play!

Now I go through pruning stages all the time, so I’m pretty accustomeed to analyzing my projects and hobbies and deciding which need to be placed on hold or dropped altogether. But something I’m not accustomed to is momentum! So let’s take a brief detour and talk about momentum, and then I’ll lead us back to talking about simplification.

I’m experiencing momentum at a more frequent rate this year, ever since Mrs. Covid asked me to stop socializing. All this alone time means I get to work on my projects for longer periods of time, so it makes sense that I would catch the momentum wave more often than ever before. And this is what I’m learning about it: momentum is rather addictive! I’m far from a workaholic, but I can see why people get that way.

Anyway, I’m noticing a trend with my momentum spikes… whenever I generate some momentum, all of a sudden I think I’m Superman lol! I start picking up one too many projects, which ultimately lead to burnout. But again, we want to simplify to amplify.

Despite my many interests and hobbies, I am a striving minimalist. I don’t think those things are necessarily mutually exclusive. I am a fan of minimalist design. I watched the movie Minimalism years before Matt D’Avella was a famous YouTuber. I read Marie Kondo’s book before she blew up on Netflix. So in the midst of some recent momentum I’ve had, I guess this post is just a friendly reminder to myself to slow down a bit and to keep things simple. To master the basics before moving on to the more advanced stuff. To simplify the chessboard so that the game is easier to play.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 18 (30 days ’til 28)

Two and a half weeks into this project and people are beginning to notice! Nothing major. Just little comments here and there. One friend even reached out to encourage me to keep it up. He’s an old coworker of mine, and someone I have a lot of respect for. He’s maybe in his late thirties or early forties, and he has a family to support, but even so his creative projects are amazing, and his work ethic is through the roof! We used to chat about my dreams/struggles to make music and other content, and I’d pick his brain for any tips he might’ve had for me. Anyway, he messaged me and said this:

“Hi Q! I’ve been noticing all your posts and new videos! I feel it was yesterday when we were talking about making things happen. I just want to let you know that I am really excited for you. All gas no brakes! Keep that good work coming.”

All gas, no brakes…

So good! And it felt so good to receive these kind words. Especially from someone I admire. And I just want to take a moment to appreciate the recognition. From him and from my other friends. These are the little reminders which tell me I’m on the right track. There isn’t a whole lot of fanfare in the beginning, which is a good thing actually! And it’s to be expected. So the encouraging words from friends is an unexpected surprise. And I’m grateful for them.

But what’s the lesson here? It isn’t that we should do creative work just so people will notice. It isn’t that we should feel better about the recognition than we do the actual creative process. The lesson is about the power of consistency. And of course, consistency is something I knew was powerful in theory, but now I’m experiencing it for myself.

When I started my YouTube channel I made an announcement video where I basically said I want to exercise my “consistency and finishing muscles.” I’d been so inconsistent with my creative work that I knew the first thing I needed to master was my ability to stay consistent and my ability to finish things to completion. And with YouTube the goal was to post something every week. But now I guess I’m throwing something up there every day! (At least for August… we’ll see if we extend this thing!)

So I’m beginning to see that I can be consistent. And that’s so wonderful because I’m beginning to change the narrative. I’m starting to see myself differently. If I want to overcome this idea that “I can’t commit to anything,” or that “I’m always starting projects, but never finishing them,” then I need to create the evidence that tells a different story. And something as simple as writing 500 words every day and then reading it out load in a livestream… I’m beginning to see there’s a different story to tell.

So what can you do every single day? Do you need stronger “consistency/finishing” muscles? Would you like to tell yourself a different story?

My buddy sent this video to me right before July ended and it influenced my decision to start “Authentic August.” It demonstrates the power of consistency with one man’s journey of drawing a bird. Every. Single. Day. It’s amazing, and I highly recommend you watch the whole thing! Let me know in the comments what you’re going to do every single day.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 17 (31 days ’til 28)

In yesterday’s post I talked about how there are 31 full days before I turn 28, and how I want design those days with a good balance of discipline and surrender. Basically I want to start off 28 on the right foot. I want 28 to be the year I take myself and my dreams seriously. I want it to be the year I start walking the walk, since I’ve been talking the talk for a long while now. And even though I may not know exactly what the future has in store for me, I know that if I walk steadily towards more discipline and more surrender, I’ll be happy with myself.

Discipline means taking care of myself and putting in the work to achieve my goals. Surrender means being open to life’s opportunities and spending time connected to Love (“Love” is the name that holds the least amount of baggage for me when it comes to talking about “God”).

I was supposed to brainstorm a discipline/surrender game plan last night but I ended up reading a book and passing out instead lol. It’s alright though, I think I have a good idea of where to start:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

I came across this book in the summer of ’14, when my family and I took a trip to Oregon; my parents bought it for me from the famous Powell’s Books store. And The 7 Habits blew my mind!

(Side note: now that I’m thinking about it, 2014-2015 was a major turning point in my life. My mind was rife with new ideas because of the content I was consuming; The 7 Habits being one of them. I was experiencing freedom at a level I had never previously felt. I just felt so alive. So I guess I want to infuse year 28 with the energy and essence of year 22 haha!)

The 7 Habits introduced so many new concepts to me in such a clear and understandable way. Despite this, I’ve never been a serious student of the material and therefore I haven’t fully integrated the habits into my life. I’ve even went back several times over the past six years to reread the book and make attempts to really live out the book’s wisdom. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve definitely improved my life just from reading and rereading The 7 Habits, but this time around I want to reach new levels of mastery with it’s material. Because as the book says, and as I’ve mentioned before in the blog,

“To learn and not to do is really not to learn. To know and not to do is really not to know.”

When I started writing this post, I actually didn’t know I would be led back to The 7 Habits, but when I wrote that “Discipline means taking care of myself and putting in the work to achieve my goals” my mind immediately jumped to one of the main ideas from the book:

Circle of Influence vs. Circle of Concern

Our Circle of Influence is the list of things that we actually have control over, while our Circle of Concern is everything we don’t have control over. How often and how intensely we exercise would fall within our Circle of Influence, as well as what we eat and how many hours of sleep we get. These are things we can control, things that we have influence over. The weather and what people think about us are things that may concern us, but ultimately we do not have control over, so therefore they fall within of Circle of Concern.

Historically, I’ve spent a lot of my time worrying about things that lie within my Circle of Concern. That’s just what happens when you’re a people-pleasing, codependent person! So when I think Discipline, I think Circle of Influence; when I wrote “taking care of myself,” I thought “things I can control.” And for my 28th year, I’d like to tip the scales more towards Influence and away from Concern. And even though 22 was filled with loads of growth and freedom, looking back I recognize that I still spent the majority of my time worried about things within my Circle of Concern.

Obviously this stuff is common sense, but common sense isn’t always common practice! So I’m diving back into the sea of The 7 Habits, and we shall see what comes of it!

Because I’m a slow reader and because I also have the Personal Workbook, I’m going to give myself a full 60 days to go through it all. If I end up moving at a faster pace, then that’s cool too! But I think this is a reasonable/attainable goal. It amounts to roughly 6 pages of reading a day, but I don’t how much time I’ll need with each of the exercises from the workbook, so spreading it out over two months will help with processing and absorbing the material in a way that sticks.

If you want to build more discipline too, maybe we can go through this material together! Just hit me up and we can start a book club of sorts!

With LOVE,

Q.

p.s. I used to feel discouraged whenever I had to “start over” with something, like I am with this book. But something that’s helped me overcome this is an encouraging phrase I once saw on Instagram:

“You aren’t starting from scratch. You’re starting from experience.”