Simply September – Day 3 (14 days ’til 28)
Here’s Parts I, II, and III! And truth be told, I’m a bit hesitant to write Part IV, but it’s WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT!
Lol jk. I have no idea what the people want. BUT! I figure I should try to bring this series to some sort of a close. So here’s what’s happening:
I’m learning about the wondrous power of commitment.
I already sort of touched on this topic in the The Power of Consistency but it’s been a trip to see how it’s affected my relationship with Ashley. But let’s back up a bit.
If you’re all caught up from I, II, and III, then you know that Ashley and I conducted an extremely codependent relationship, and that was a major reason why we broke up / went on a break. The whole idea of the “break” was to spend some time trying find ourselves, to learn how to be independent, or at least start to learn, then reconvene and see if we were still interested in exploring a romantic relationship with each other.
And honestly… I thought I knew that it was truly over. I thought I knew that I wanted to live in a new city and date around some more. I thought I knew that I wanted to become a king and build my kingdom first, before seeking out my queen. But all of these predictions were made pre-COVID, pre- living at home, pre- Ashley finding her self-worth. And most importantly, pre- learning just how transformative my commitments to myself have turned out to be.
With the intent to “find myself” at the beginning of the break, I got to work on some key habits. I’ll spare you the details but basically I got super healthy! I meditated a bunch, I started writing songs again, I got my finances in order, and perhaps most impressively, I abided by the rules of Whole 30 for a full four months! That means I didn’t consume any added sugar, no alcohol, no weed, no bread, no rice, no dairy, no sweets; just eating whole, healthy foods. For four months!
This is big for me! Especially in terms of sobriety. I wasn’t a drunk or a stoner per se, but for the last seven years I was probably drunk or high every single week. And I’m not ashamed of that; I lived around and often hung out with my friends, and we just liked to party. Plus I was a goodie two shoes growing up, so I never broke the rules; I guess you could say I was catching up! But since moving home and sheltering-in-place, it’s actually been pretty smooth and sober.
With the consistent sobriety came clarity. With no relationship to think about, I was able to consider what I really wanted from life. And ultimately I’m open to however my life is going to unfold, but I do know that I want to be happy and healthy.
And one of the major shifts I experienced was getting financially healthy. I’ll write about this in more detail later, but suffice to say I got my spending under control and I set some long-term goals for my money. I made a two-year investment goal. And in order to reach that goal I need to stay committed. And one of the the sacrifices I need to make to achieve that goal is to live at home for THE NEXT TWO YEARS! At least! So I’ll be here until I’m 30! But that’s okay, because it’s aligned with my dream life.
But by actually making these commitments and sacrifices, I was unknowingly practicing the meta-skill of commitment. I was opening up to the idea of commitment, something I’ve always been afraid of. And now I’m more open to it in other contexts… like in relationships!
To be continued…
With LOVE,
Q.