Authentic August – Day 30 (18 days ’til 28)
So if you haven’t read Part I or Part II, I suggest you do so to get all caught up! For today, we dive into Hopeless Romantic III and get into some more background story!
Since you’re all caught up now, you know that Ashley, my ex, texted me last week after six months of no communication. We broke up in February and we agreed to no communication until December, but she went with her gut and decided to reach out sooner than that.
Why did you guys break up?
I thought I needed to go out and “find myself.” There’s this analogy I always use: you can either be a prince and find your princess and you can build your kingdom together, or you can establish yourself as a king first, build your kingdom, and then attract a queen. In my younger days, I didn’t mind being a prince, but for the last several years or so, I wanted to go the king route.
We both knew that we were codependent and that our relationship was not the healthiest. I took this as a sign that I still needed to evolve from princehood to kingship, so I knew I didn’t really give the relationship my best effort. Plus I had already dated so many girls from Davis (where I went to school) that I thought it was about time I look elsewhere. And this speaks to another issue: I was operating under the impression that I would move to some new city with the smell of endless possibility in the air, live a dope life, make some dope music, and hook up with some dope chicks. Basically I still wanted to date around, and by the looks of it, Ashley was looking for a committed relationship. Not to mention she was moving to Vegas and I’m here in California so long distance didn’t sound too enticing either.
So we broke up.
But…
With a twist! Lol.
So when we were breaking up I actually became very confused as to whether or not it was the right decision. I knew I had (and still have) issues with accepting myself, and I also knew that that non-acceptance was projected onto my friends and family around me, but especially onto my romantic partners. So I kept going back and forth thinking that maybe this actually could work if I could just get my shit together. And her too actually; we both had some issues to work out. Basically, there was a lot of potential with us, but as they always say, “You can’t date potential.”
Anyway, I was confiding in a friend about my dilemma – someone who’s been happily married for the last six years – and he offered up the following idea: why don’t you guys just put each other on the shelf for now. Not in the trash can, and not in a treasure chest; just put this relationship on the shelf, and pick it up later at some agreed upon date and see how it feels. (He gave this advice because he and his wife did this when they were still dating.)
Well this made sense to me! The only kicker was that he also suggested that we shouldn’t date around in the meantime. But actually that made sense to me too since I had been a serial dater since sixth grade, so I thought this would be a good way to stop the cycle and take some dedicated time get to know and love myself.
I pitched the idea to Ash. She agreed. And we broke up.
(After telling a few friends of this arrangement, they all informed me that we didn’t actually break up. That really what this amounted to was an extremely long break. Call it what you will; but both of us thought we broke up.)
And then I guess you’ll have to tune in tomorrow to see how this is all playing out! I’m already over my 500 words for the day, and I have plenty story left to share. Thanks for reading or streaming with me!
With LOVE,
Q.