Authentic August – Day 29 (19 days ’til 28)
I was working on the yard this morning with my Dad and I started updating him on the whole Ashley thing, which then led of course to a more general conversation about my life and what I want.
As you probably know by now that I can be a bit long-winded, but sometimes I gotta keep things short and sweet with my dad, so at one point my answer was:
“I just want to life a good life, take care of myself, and help people.”
And I think it really is that simple.
Sometimes all the strategic thinking and all the big dreaming pulls me away from the simplicity of what I want. Because there’s actually so much freedom in keeping things simple like this. Because so long as whatever project or role I’m in accomplishes those three things, then I know it’s worth my time.
I guess when I gave that answer I it dawned on me that it really is possible to just drop all the drama and surrender. To trust that God truly has my best interests at heart. That the Universe has big things in store for me, so long as I can keep taking care of myself and helping others.
On a similar note, as I was shoveling rocks into the wheelbarrow and then wheeling them over to where my Dad was working, I was thinking about how the projects and dreams I have are just like shoveling rocks: if I can just keep shoveling away, patiently and consistently, then eventually the work will get done. I’ve heard a similar analogy before. It’s something like if you keep spooning sand into the bucket, yes it may take some time, but eventually it will get filled.
So I’m saying all this because the more I focus on surrendering, the more I’m comforted by the idea of being patient. What’s meant for me is coming. I just need to put in the work. There’s no need for me to rush. Yes, it’s important to have deadlines and to establish routines and more generally to develop discipline. But I can drop a lot of my existential angst by trusting that everything really is going to turn out right.
Like, the other day my buddy and I were trippin’ over the fact that the world just functions regardless of what we as individuals do. WE HAVE SO LITTLE CONTROL. In the grand scheme of things that is. So why not just get hyper focused on the things that I do have control of
I do have control of how much I take care of myself.
I do have control of how much I serve others.
And equipped with the self-knowledge from the Enneagram, I know that a life of service for me will be extremely fulfilling. Honestly, this blog and my YouTube channel are just my personal passion projects right now, but ultimately my hope is that some of what I’m saying resonates with you. That it makes you see the world differently. And that it makes you see yourself differently. I just want to help.
But I can’t help anyone effectively without first taking care of myself. So I’m gonna stop worrying about society’s timelines for me, I’m getting my shit together, and I’m gonna live a good life, one full of joy and service.
If I ever get a tattoo, here’s a quote I’m considering:
“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”
With LOVE,
Q.
p.s. For anyone who was expecting Hopeless Romantic III… I’m still figuring out what I want to say because there’s new developments every day, and I don’t want to speak too soon. And this is why I wrote about what I wrote today, because it’s easy for me to get “caught up.” So I just needed to remind myself what I’m even doing here lol.