Authentic August – Day 16
In exactly one month I’ll be turning 28. Which means I have 31 full days left of my 27th year. How do I want to send off 27? And how do I want to start off 28?
Disciplined. Surrendered.
Disciplined…
I once wrote a little quote for myself, -actually I’m just gonna screenshot what I wrote on Facebook, because it still applies lol:
“Discipline’s compass points to true freedom.”
I have such a high attraction to the excitement of life that I tend to shy away from structure. Structure feels boring to me. I like being spontaneous and having a good time and “going with the flow.” And I think it was important for me to learn to live that way because I was such a “goody two shoes” growing up. But I cannot stress to you enough just how ready I am to live a more disciplined life. Still filled with the excitement and spontaneity I value, but balanced out with the discipline of taking care of myself.
And really that’s what I mean when I refer to discipline. The discipline of taking care of myself. Due to my codependent nature and my compulsion to help others first, I’ve historically neglected my own needs. And so far 2020 has been the most disciplined year of my life! Which doesn’t surprise me because I’m living at home for the first time since I left for college. It’s also the first time I’m not dating anyone in over a decade. And overall, being social is actually socially unacceptable right now. So “me time” has kind of been circumstantially forced upon me. Which is a plus I guess!
But now it’s just a matter of staying consistent. So tonight I’m going to brainstorm the the next 31 days of my life and build more discipline into it. I’ll share whatever I come up with in tomorrow’s post.
Surrendered…
Like I wrote about before, I want to grow as a tree does. Which means I want to surrender to whatever the universe has in store for me. But surrender means more than “letting go and letting God,” as they say. Ironically, it’s also a discipline! I think for me when I think surrender, I think about my spiritual side. Paying more attention to that which keeps me connected to the Divine. To others. Surrendering to the present moment. Which also means letting thoughts and feelings exist and move through you. Instead of resisting them or ruminating on them.
I guess I just want to get out of my own way! I think my Ego (in the spiritual sense, not the psychological sense) is trying to maintain some identity that ultimately is not good for me. I guess I just really want to shed my Ego. I want to shed all that I am not so that I may discover my True Self and my ultimate purpose. And I do that through the process of surrendering. I don’t know what this looks like in the practical sense yet, but I’ll come up with some ideas in tonight’s brainstorm.
Play…
I’ll never stop talking about Discipline, Surrender, and Play. It’s just an equation that makes sense to me and I want to experience it’s truth in my own life. Discipline + Surrender = Flow (but I like saying Play). So I have 31 days to adjust accordingly! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… this next stage of my life feels like it’s going to be different. Because I’m starting to feel different. Maybe it’s because 30 is right around the corner. Maybe it’s because I’m single for the first time in forever, which frees me up to confront my inner demons head on. Whatever it is, it feels like I’m beginning to live life on my own terms. It feels like this dream life I’ve been talking about… It feels like I actually have a shot at it. So I gotta shoot my shot!
With LOVE,
Q.