Month: August 2020

Authentic August – Day 31 (17 days ’til 28)

We’ve successfully completed Authentic August! If you click that link it’ll bring you to Day 1, and I just read it for the first time since starting this whole journey. And I’ve accomplished what I set out to do!

Besides writing every single day this month, I only had three rules:

1. Write 500 words.
2. Publish before midnight.
3. Be authentic.

I also ended up livestreaming myself reading the blog everyday, and then on Day 7, I added a 4th rule: “Sing one song every day,” which I then incorporated into the livestream as well.

I started this blog to get out of a creative slump and to move past my regularly scheduled existential crisis. And it worked! It then turned into a way for me to develop creativity and curiosity, and hopefully connect with people. And that’s why I want to continue doing it, but I think for September I’m going to pause for now…

By completing Authentic August, I was able to prove to myself that I could start and finish something creative every single day. But it can be a bit time-consuming. And as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I’m the Social Media Director of my friend’s company, Metanoia, and I’ve decided to finally step up as a leader in that role. I’ve been neglecting my responsibilities there, but now I’m committed to accept them fully. Unfortunately that means that I may not have the time to blog every single day. Here’s what I’m thinking:

If and only if I execute my daily responsibilities for Metanoia (posting on social, engagement, and furthering education), and I’ve attended to my other life responsibilities (family time, exercise, sleep, etc.), then I can write a blog the for day!

So if anything this blog is going to be my reward for putting in the work at my “job.” That’s how much I’ve enjoyed this process! It’s really transforming the way that I think about myself. I no longer believe that I’m the guy who always starts things and doesn’t ever finish them; now I’m the guy who’s blogged and livestreamed every single day for a month! And that’s why I really want to master my time management. If I can really get all my work done, and keep this daily, or almost-daily blog going, I can’t even imagine how much inner change I’ll experience by the end of the year. Not to mention hopefully becoming a better writer, and learning the ins-and-outs of running a blog.

So I guess I just want to cap off the month by saying that I’m proud of myself. If you’ve know me personally, commitment isn’t my strong suit, so this has been a huge gift. I haven’t yet looked back and read through all of the posts, but I think I’ll do that tonight and tomorrow morning, and then make a YouTube video sharing what I’ve learned from Authentic August. In fact, I’ll also write about it for a future blog post here.

For any of you who’ve been keeping up throughout the month, I appreciate you like crazy! It’s been fun sharing with you, especially during the livestreams. This isn’t goodbye, just a goodbye to August.

And hello to everything we get to create in September.

The End,

Q.

p.s. I love you! 😃

Authentic August – Day 30 (18 days ’til 28)

So if you haven’t read Part I or Part II, I suggest you do so to get all caught up! For today, we dive into Hopeless Romantic III and get into some more background story!

Since you’re all caught up now, you know that Ashley, my ex, texted me last week after six months of no communication. We broke up in February and we agreed to no communication until December, but she went with her gut and decided to reach out sooner than that.

Why did you guys break up?

I thought I needed to go out and “find myself.” There’s this analogy I always use: you can either be a prince and find your princess and you can build your kingdom together, or you can establish yourself as a king first, build your kingdom, and then attract a queen. In my younger days, I didn’t mind being a prince, but for the last several years or so, I wanted to go the king route.

We both knew that we were codependent and that our relationship was not the healthiest. I took this as a sign that I still needed to evolve from princehood to kingship, so I knew I didn’t really give the relationship my best effort. Plus I had already dated so many girls from Davis (where I went to school) that I thought it was about time I look elsewhere. And this speaks to another issue: I was operating under the impression that I would move to some new city with the smell of endless possibility in the air, live a dope life, make some dope music, and hook up with some dope chicks. Basically I still wanted to date around, and by the looks of it, Ashley was looking for a committed relationship. Not to mention she was moving to Vegas and I’m here in California so long distance didn’t sound too enticing either.

So we broke up.

But…

With a twist! Lol.

So when we were breaking up I actually became very confused as to whether or not it was the right decision. I knew I had (and still have) issues with accepting myself, and I also knew that that non-acceptance was projected onto my friends and family around me, but especially onto my romantic partners. So I kept going back and forth thinking that maybe this actually could work if I could just get my shit together. And her too actually; we both had some issues to work out. Basically, there was a lot of potential with us, but as they always say, “You can’t date potential.”

Anyway, I was confiding in a friend about my dilemma – someone who’s been happily married for the last six years – and he offered up the following idea: why don’t you guys just put each other on the shelf for now. Not in the trash can, and not in a treasure chest; just put this relationship on the shelf, and pick it up later at some agreed upon date and see how it feels. (He gave this advice because he and his wife did this when they were still dating.)

Well this made sense to me! The only kicker was that he also suggested that we shouldn’t date around in the meantime. But actually that made sense to me too since I had been a serial dater since sixth grade, so I thought this would be a good way to stop the cycle and take some dedicated time get to know and love myself.

I pitched the idea to Ash. She agreed. And we broke up.

(After telling a few friends of this arrangement, they all informed me that we didn’t actually break up. That really what this amounted to was an extremely long break. Call it what you will; but both of us thought we broke up.)

And then I guess you’ll have to tune in tomorrow to see how this is all playing out! I’m already over my 500 words for the day, and I have plenty story left to share. Thanks for reading or streaming with me!

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 29 (19 days ’til 28)

I was working on the yard this morning with my Dad and I started updating him on the whole Ashley thing, which then led of course to a more general conversation about my life and what I want.

As you probably know by now that I can be a bit long-winded, but sometimes I gotta keep things short and sweet with my dad, so at one point my answer was:

“I just want to life a good life, take care of myself, and help people.”

And I think it really is that simple.

Sometimes all the strategic thinking and all the big dreaming pulls me away from the simplicity of what I want. Because there’s actually so much freedom in keeping things simple like this. Because so long as whatever project or role I’m in accomplishes those three things, then I know it’s worth my time.

I guess when I gave that answer I it dawned on me that it really is possible to just drop all the drama and surrender. To trust that God truly has my best interests at heart. That the Universe has big things in store for me, so long as I can keep taking care of myself and helping others.

On a similar note, as I was shoveling rocks into the wheelbarrow and then wheeling them over to where my Dad was working, I was thinking about how the projects and dreams I have are just like shoveling rocks: if I can just keep shoveling away, patiently and consistently, then eventually the work will get done. I’ve heard a similar analogy before. It’s something like if you keep spooning sand into the bucket, yes it may take some time, but eventually it will get filled.

So I’m saying all this because the more I focus on surrendering, the more I’m comforted by the idea of being patient. What’s meant for me is coming. I just need to put in the work. There’s no need for me to rush. Yes, it’s important to have deadlines and to establish routines and more generally to develop discipline. But I can drop a lot of my existential angst by trusting that everything really is going to turn out right.

Like, the other day my buddy and I were trippin’ over the fact that the world just functions regardless of what we as individuals do. WE HAVE SO LITTLE CONTROL. In the grand scheme of things that is. So why not just get hyper focused on the things that I do have control of

I do have control of how much I take care of myself.

I do have control of how much I serve others.

And equipped with the self-knowledge from the Enneagram, I know that a life of service for me will be extremely fulfilling. Honestly, this blog and my YouTube channel are just my personal passion projects right now, but ultimately my hope is that some of what I’m saying resonates with you. That it makes you see the world differently. And that it makes you see yourself differently. I just want to help.

But I can’t help anyone effectively without first taking care of myself. So I’m gonna stop worrying about society’s timelines for me, I’m getting my shit together, and I’m gonna live a good life, one full of joy and service.

If I ever get a tattoo, here’s a quote I’m considering:

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”

With LOVE,

Q.

p.s. For anyone who was expecting Hopeless Romantic III… I’m still figuring out what I want to say because there’s new developments every day, and I don’t want to speak too soon. And this is why I wrote about what I wrote today, because it’s easy for me to get “caught up.” So I just needed to remind myself what I’m even doing here lol.

Authentic August – Day 28 (20 days ‘ til 28)

We’re going to pause today on the Hopeless Romantic series because I just want to express my gratitude to The Universe/God. If you can’t tell from pretty much all of Authentic August, I’ve been experiencing this underlying sense of anxiety. Unrest. Tension. And I’ve really been seeking clarity in “Discipline” and peace in “Surrender.”

And over the past week things have started to fall into place; things are beginning to clear up. And it all culminated with a conversation with God/The Universe/”That Which Sustains” yesterday after work…

I clocked out. I turned the car on. Hit the A/C button. And before I called my buddy on the phone, before I placed the car in drive, before anything, I just felt like talking to God. So I sat there and prayed. It went a little something like this:

“Hey God! I know it’s been a minute… and you know I’m not a fan of the word God because of all the baggage it holds for me, but… I figure it’s time to talk. I want to surrender my life to you. I know I can’t make sense of how or why this works (prayer), and I won’t try to figure it out; all I know is that I trust that it does. So I’m asking for your guidance. Because whatever you have in store for me is grander than any vision I could have dreamed up on my own. Plus, the dreams that have been planted in my heart were placed there by you anyway, so it’s not like you would steer me in a direction that wasn’t either good for me, or that I wouldn’t like eventually. You have my best interest at heart. And even if it isn’t how I think it should go, I’ve always wanted to grow as a tree does, and trees grow naturally, as you created them to. So I want to do that which you’ve created me to do. I want to surrender to whatever you have in store for me. I’m tired of feeling anxious. I’m tired of ignoring my spiritual side. I want peace. I want to be better. I want to understand that I am worthy. So I’m letting go and I’m letting God/The Universe/”That Which Sustains”… Do your thing. Amen.”

Immediately I felt lighter! What a trip, huh?! And I laughed, and I felt good, and I was just happy. After all my scrambling and thinking over the past few weeks, it was nice to just lay it down before a Power greater than I. I’m a spiritual person. I always have been. So it’s super important for me to keep spirituality and connection to Source at the forefront of my life. It’s just that I forget this every once in a while. But it’s cool, because I can always pick up where we left off and I’m overwhelmingly grateful for that. That no matter where I run off to, no matter how long I hide, whenever I’m ready to come back home, I’m greeted with a welcoming embrace. Thanks for reading.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 27 (21 days ’til 28)

Yesterday I opened up about my ongoing struggle with romance. How since puberty I’ve been stuck in a perpetual chase for “the one.” How I can’t seem to commit to any one person because I keep imagining that someone else out there is going to be without flaw and just utterly perfect. How my interpersonal skills may in part actually stem from my deepest fear of being unworthy of love, so I’ve developed a likeable personality so that I can feel validated when others do like me.

I didn’t choose to be like this – it’s a nature vs. nurture thing – but I have been aware of this pattern for quite some time now, and I’m finally ready to do something about it. And actually that’s why Ashley and I broke up. I realized how much inner work I still needed to do; as I mentioned yesterday, I needed to “find myself.” And basically what that means is what I’ve been talking about throughout Authentic August: that I need to love myself. Fully and completely. Even though I’m broken. Even though I’m imperfect. I need to learn to accept and love myself in all my flawed glory.

Because I have yet to consistently do the inner work to accept and love myself (I was actually doing well from March to June!) I often revert back to my Ego, and I end up projecting my non-acceptance and conditional love onto others. The reason I can’t seem to accept my partners – and even my friends and family sometimes – for who they truly are, is because I haven’t accepted myself for who I am. My obsession with personal development and self-help is due in part to this limiting belief that I am not enough. So I erroneously think that if I can just develop to a certain point, a point near perfect, then I’ll finally feel like I’m enough. But that’s backwards. True growth starts with accepting who we are, not resisting who we are. I wrote a post a couple weeks back, Intro to Worthiness, where I discussed my desire to really go deep on this self-love stuff.

And Ashley’s return to my life is strengthening my resolve in this.

Without getting into all the crazy and embarrassing details, we basically started dating as each other’s rebound. We were oh so glaringly codependent people, so you can imagine the emotional rollercoaster we were embarking upon. When we ended, though I was the one who brought up that I needed to “find myself,” we both acknowledged that we each had some work to do. And after talking to her over the past couple days it’s abundantly clear to me that she’s been hard at work! And it’s truly inspiring.

Her text was unexpected because we agreed to a radio silence. An intentional break from one another so that we could better focus on our healing and self-love. We broke up in February, agreed not to talk until December, and here we are four months ahead of schedule. On the one hand, I’m really happy we’re talking again! Like… really happy 🙂

On the other hand, I wish I had spent as much time loving myself as she has. Don’t get me wrong… this is the healthiest I’ve ever been: my habits are aligned, my finances are good, my creative output is unbelievable, but as I mentioned two days ago, my inner game could use some work. My “hard work” listed above was driven by a need to “catch up” or “be more.” The inner game will help me see that I’m already enough!

Check back in tomorrow for more thoughts on my current state of affairs, further background on the relationship, including lessons learned and learning.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 26 (22 days ’til 28)

Thus far we haven’t explicitly covered what is perhaps the most challenging ongoing issues of my life: romantic relationships. But today is the day we get into it! And why? Because…

My ex-girlfriend contacted me a couple days ago lol… So let’s sort this thing out shall we! (Just a heads up, this will probably be a two- or three-parter! There’s a lot to unpack here.)

So we broke up back in February because I needed to “find myself.” This wasn’t the first time I’ve given this reason while breaking up with someone, but it is the first time I was prepared to follow through and actually do the work to “find myself,” and I’ll explain what that means for me later.

You see, I’ve been perpetually involved with a romantic partner since 5th grade! Back then I blamed it on my hopeless romanticism, which I think partially stems from all the dramtically romantic and grandiose Filipino love songs I listened to. Plus I think Filipino culture has an obsession with the idea of “true love,” at least that was my perspective as a Filipino-American kid growing up in the 90’s. (Not sure if we’re still obsessed with it, but I’d guess that we still are lol.) Basically, I was girl crazy and I was always on the lookout for “the one.”

Though the following is a bit of an oversimplification, these were the typical steps in the cycle…

Step 1: Find a cute girl that I “like-like.”

Step 2: Commence “the chase” and get her to like or even fall for me.

Step 3: Succeed and date for a while.

[Step 3B: In the (common) event that the girl denied my courtship, it didn’t matter. If anything that made it more exciting, so I’d double down and pull out all the stops to get her to like me. And this just made life miserable for the both of us. Nuts!]

Step 4: Eventually get bored because the chase is over.

Step 5: Start looking for “the one” elsewhere, even if I was still with the first girl. In fact, it wasn’t uncommon for me to have multiple crushes at once, and have them crush on me back.

Step 6: Rinse and repeat!

Definitely NOT the best strategy!!

Now that I’m older and I’ve done some investigative work on why I am the way that I am, I’ve come to realize that my deepest fear is of being unwanted, and of being unworthy of love. (For further reading on this, check out Type 2 of the Ennegram; I’m without a doubt the “Helper.”) So my Ego’s strategy to guard against this fear is to accrue as much “love” from other people. From friends, from family, from strangers, but especially from a romantic partner. That’s why I’m such a “people person” – because I’m such a people pleaser. Somewhere along the way I came to believe that in order to receive love, I needed to do things for other people to get it. And I guess I feel compelled to collect as much “love” as possible to prove to myself I’m worthy of it.

Another LOSING strategy! I’m on a roll…

And that’s where we’ll leave it for today! Tune in tomorrow to hear more about what’s going on with my ex, and to hear me think out loud about better strategies moving forward.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 25 (23 days ’til 28)

I think it’s bonkers that despite all the major positive changes I’ve made within the last several months – like consistently creating content, a decreased consumption of drugs and alcohol, a healthier diet, more financial control, and better overall clarity of purpose – I still get trapped into believing I’m not good enough. Like, at what point will I begin to feel like my efforts are paying off? What do I need to do to experience peace within myself?

Maybe it’s too early in the game and I’m just getting impatient with the process. If that’s the case, then so be it. After all, at the end of the day, all I can really do is control those things which are within my Circle of Influence, and let go of anything which falls within my Circle of Concern, or those things I do not have control over. As the saying goes, “Do your best, and forget the rest.”

And here’s another goodie: “Let go and let God.”

The word that just popped into my head is Surrender. Maybe there are certain things I’m placing within my Circle of Influence that actually belong in my Circle of Concern. Maybe I’m trying to control things that should be surrendered…

For me, surrender means trust and faith. Trusting that the Universe or God has your back, and having faith that everything is going to turn out alright. Though my spiritual journey has taken many turns, I’ve always had Faith. I’ve always had a gut feeling that my life is heading in the right direction, even if I don’t know exactly where I’m going. So I suppose I can rest easy here; in trusting that even though I still feel small despite all the positive change I’m making, I’m on my way to feeling bigger and bigger each day.

I know I already have a lot on my plate. But a discipline I want to attend to is making sure I’m engaging with my spiritual side on a daily basis. Maybe this looks like reading the Bible and praying. Maybe it means reading the Power of Now and meditating. Whatever combination I choose, I have a feeling that the peace I’m seeking is found in my spiritual journey. As such, something else I’d like to dive deep into this next phase of my life is my spirituality. Studying spiritual texts, listening to spiritual teachers, and developing a practice.

By paying more attention to my spirituality, I think I’ll better foster my ability to surrender. I’m noticing a lot of resistance in my life lately. Resisting certain people, certain emotions, certain opportunities. And since it seems I’m doing well with the Discipline side of the equation, it’s time to pour more into the Surrender side.

Remember, Discipline + Surrender = Play.

With LOVE,

Q.

p.s. This isn’t necessarily related to what I just wrote, but it’s something I keep thinking about: I want to surrender my life to the Universe/God because I believe that what they have in store for me is far greater than anything I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. So I just gotta show up and do my best, and then let go and let God.

Authentic August – Day 24 (24 days ’til 28)

Sometime back in 2013, after a breakup with my first girlfriend (and not the final breakup), I searched the web for dating advice, and this one piece of wisdom has never left me:

“Deserve What You Want”

It’s nice to see that all these years later, Scot and Emily over at www.deservewhatyouwant.com are still doing their thing! Basically their main philosophy on dating is that you need to “deserve what you want.” In other words, if you want a high quality person as your partner, you need to be the type of person that deserves that person. You yourself must become high quality. This is straight from their site:

“Waiting around for someone to come along” or any other passive strategy won’t cut it. Actively becoming the kind of partner who deserves a great mate is the only option.

And for a personal development nerd like me, this idea resonated so freakin’ much! Of course it makes sense that if you want to date an independent and whole person, you too should be an independent and whole person. Because we attract who we are. And all we have to do is think back to high school to see the truth in this statement. The jocks chilled with the jocks. The band kids jammed with their bandmates. And the AP students nerded out with the other goody two-shoes. We tend vibe with people who are on our wave-length, and if you want to access higher vibrations, you need to step up your game, so to speak.

---

I’m not here to talk about dating, but I am bringing up this concept of “deserve what you want” because something I read this morning from The 7 Habits basically carries the same message: if you want external success, you must become successful within first. You must change your insides to solve any of your problems outside. So this principle of being so you can have, of deserving what you want, is applicable to more than just dating. Here’s an excerpt from what I read today:

“If you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it. If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent… If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy.”

And just this morning, in a moment of kismet, I was given the opportunity to be more so that I can later have more…

If you read my post titled What’s In Your Hands? then you know that I’ve been slacking hard in my role as the Social Media and Content Strategist for my friend’s financial coaching business, Metanoia. I concluded that post by recommitting myself to my role with Metanoia.

Well it turns out they also took notice that I was hard slacking! Because the lack of my consistency has been an ongoing struggle for us, the Metanoia Team really called me out on my bullshit during this morning’s meeting. They took ownership of how they enabled my slacking, I took ownership of my subpar performance, and we wiped the slate clean.

And this is where the kismet comes in: so I just wrote about being more faithful with what’s in my hand (Metanoia), and then this morning Sean and Fern presented me with an opportunity to step up in a big way. They came with a proposal. Essentially they said,

“Q… you can step up as the new Social Media Director, or we can go our separate ways; no hard feelings. We’ll still be friends, we’ll still support you, but if you’re gonna be with us, then this is what’s expected from you moving forward.”

They actually came prepared with a written job description, decked out with clear expectations, responsibilities, and even disciplinary protocol. Our previous arrangement was rather hazy and lax; this updated role is more concrete. There’s more clarity on how I should execute.

Quite serendipitous, right?! Yes, it was my lack of performance that prompted the need for more structure and detail, but it’s just funny how I decided only a few days ago that I’m ready to finally step up with Metanoia and suddenly this happens! (Side note: I didn’t take their “reprimand” personally. I’ve been hard at work on my own ventures here and on YouTube, and I let Metanoia slip through the cracks. But honestly, I’m reframing this morning’s “stern talking to” as an opportunity to start fresh. It isn’t failure if you learned something, right?)

---

And now bringing it back to The 7 Habits, we can use the previous if-then statements as a template to create one specific to my current situation:

If I want to have a digital nomad life, then I need to be the kind of person who develops digital skills and generates an online income. If I want to have what’s in my heart, then I need to be faithful with what’s in my hand. And that’s Metanoia. With this business, I get to learn and develop the digital skills necessary to one day build my own online business, which will allow me to leave the grind of the 9-5 and travel with my work around the world!

So I’m grateful that everything is coming together nicely; I feel very blessed. I’m beyond grateful for Sean and Fern’s patience, understanding, and continued belief in me.

I know what I want… now it’s time become the person that deserves it.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 23 (25 days ’til 28)

I’m just going to do a journaling exercise for today’s post. This is what I do whenever I feel like there’s too much commotion in my head and I need some clarity. The exercise is simple: just write down a question and answer it. Then rinse and repeat. We already do this all day erryday in our heads, but this brings more clarity to my thinking. Seeing my logic (or lack thereof) written out on the page ensures I am moving forward with my thinking and not just going around in circles. When I’m just thinking in my head I can’t always see that my thoughts are trapped in a loop, at least not until I’ve made a few rounds. Because this daily blog has temporarily replaced my journaling habit, I figure I’ll just do this exercise here out in the open, since it’s related to everything I’ve been discussing with simplification and patience. So here it goes!

---

Q! Long time, no see. Let’s see if we can bring more clarity to the commotion in your head…

What is the perceived problem?

I’m doing too much and it’s making me feel scattered and impatient.

What are all the things you’re “doing”?

In no particular order:

• “Authentic August” and the accompanying livestream
• Weekly YouTube video and figuring out if I should niche down
• Creating content for Metanoia
• Tidying up
• The 7 Habits
• Regular exercise
• Tutoring Chrys
• Miscellaneous, aka everything else lol

What can you drop from this list?

I guess I can drop “Authentic August” when the month is over. I can drop “niching down” for now and just make videos for fun’s sake, which is a more sustainable way to go about it anyway. I’m committed to everything else on the list.

What is the ONE THING you can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary?

I’d really like to start “Tidying Up.” That’s what this weekend was supposed to be for anyway, but we had family visiting unexpectedly, and I helped out with the yard work. It will make things easier in the sense that I’ll get it out of the way. And I fully expect to feel a sense of renewal after the whole process is complete. So as soon as we’re done here, let’s get started on the “Clothes” subcategory for tidying up.

How will you execute on the remaining items on the list?

Because I’m focusing on fully integrating The 7 Habits into my life, I’ll read it first thing in the morning. Then I’ll write the blog. I can write about whatever, or I can write about what I’m learning in The 7 Habits. Then I’ll exercise. Then Metanoia. Then time with Chrys. Then the rest of the day to create for YouTube. So maybe for my days off that looks like this:

5:00 am – The 7 Habits

6:00 am – Authentic August

7:30 am – Exercise

8:30 am – Metanoia

10:00 am – Tutor Chrys

12:00 pm – Lunch

1:00-5:00 pm – YouTube // Music // Tidying // Miscellaneous

6:00 pm – Family

9:00 pm – Sleep

Obviously this is a general template. Some days I’ll have meetings or random stuff come up, but this is a good flow to all the given things I need to do every day.

Why are you doing any of this in the first place?

Good question! Why does any of this matter? Because I’d like to prove to myself that I actually can take care of myself, my dreams, and my responsibilities; I can do it all. Routine is good for me. I’ve glimpsed this truth already. And as much as I love my spontaneity, I’d like to get to know a more disciplined Christian. Free from the grip of his extraverted ways, and firmly held in a self-loving embrace. This is self-care unlike any I’ve experienced before. This is prioritizing my well-being and my dreams. This is letting go of all the drama, romance, and other new shiny objects (for now!). This is Discipline. This is Surrender. And I pray may I discover Play in the process.

With LOVE,

Q.

Authentic August – Day 22 (26 days ’til 28)

Patience is the key to peace.

I’ve been in a slight frazzle lately what with the excitement of the 7-Day YouTube Influence Challenge as well as from my goal to simplify my life over the next month or so. For whatever reason, the hustle and grind of it all makes me anxious and impatient. I don’t know if you get like this too, but when I start strategizing and dreaming up a dope future for myself, it’s like I get TOO excited and I just WANT IT NOW! In other words, when I gain momentum, I get impatient.

Another enemy I’m fighting in this battle for more patience is comparison. Of course I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but that’s much easier said than done, especially because I’ve been comparing myself to others my whole life. My shadow side is my pride. And I’ve spent a lot of my youth feeling better than others, and even after I became aware that I was doing that, it’s still a daily struggle. And you can’t feel better than others, you can’t boost your ego, unless you’re comparing yourself to people. And now that I’m about to turn 28 just 26 days from now, I’ve been comparing myself to other friends that are a similar age.

In a lot of ways I feel behind. And I feel like I need to “catch up.” So… I’m impatient. Which makes me want to hustle harder! But then that’s kind of a vicious cycle. Because as I said earlier, the hustle and momentum creates more impatience for me.

So whenever I get super impatient like this, I just need to take a breathe and slow it down. And more practically, I can get my mindset right by watching a bunch of Gary Vaynerchuk videos! He’s always talking about how even in your twenties you’re still a baby. That at 28, I still have 60 years of executing left. And that the reason we get so impatient is because we care about what other people think about us, and because we’re comparing ourselves to others.

He even talks about how it’s a smart decision to move back home with your parents and hustle hard for your dreams there because you’ll save a bunch of money. And that’s exactly what I did. I’m not sure I made the decision consciously, but now that I’m here, I really do see it as one of the necessary steps on my way to bigger things. Scaling down to scale up. Simplifying.

So life is exactly how it’s supposed to be right now. I get that. I just want to internalize that more and more each day. People say “Go Big or Go Home,” but I think what I’m doing is “Going Big by Going Home!” Lol!

Anyway, thanks for reading/tuning in. I’ll talk more about patience over the next few days; I feel I didn’t do it justice. This felt more like a stream of consciousness type post, but I want to really think this through a bit more so that the next time I feel impatient, I can revisit whatever strategy/mindset hack I come with haha! Enjoy your Saturday night!

With LOVE,

Q.